The maiden voyage of the SS Water and HMS Vegetables discovered a New World today, a world in which Memento is spoofed. The native is Bill, a man who cannot stop reading. His condition, folks, leads to tragedy. Enjoy, if you can.
Showing posts with label Fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fiction. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Sunday, May 6, 2007
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
Have you ever imagined a vampire movie where the vampire can't find anyone to prey on because he/she is worried about consuming the blood of questionable purity?
Movies, like, are like vampires, right? They don't exist. Or so you thought.
Discuss.
Movies, like, are like vampires, right? They don't exist. Or so you thought.
Discuss.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Dick and Jane Learn to Blog
Slugging it out over movie ideas and top-secret projects left little humor in the vats today, so I stirred up a brief iChat conversation to inspire a post (for those that don't know, my buddy icon is a gingerbread man and my friend's is a butterfly):
[Gingerbread Man]: i need a joke
[Butterfly]: 8-)
[Gingerbread Man]: haha
[Gingerbread Man]: nice
[Gingerbread Man]: it's going on the blog
[Butterfly]: this is why i'm hot
[Butterfly]: 8-)
[Gingerbread Man]: 8-)
It could be a children's book. In olden days, kids' books were to teach them to read. In the world of tomorrow (the TOMORROW ZONE) they will teach kids to IM and blog.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Short Film Idea
Someone should make a short movie about a character who compulsively finishes reading whatever he starts.
Key scenes:
Intro voiceover where narrator talks, Memento-style, about his "condition," and the necessary steps he must take to keep himself from starting to read things. These include:
-Flashback shot of the guy throwing away all his books, after he first developed his condition.
-Flip-down shades with opaque lenses for when he's out in the world.
-"How severe is my condition? If I logged on to the Internet, I'd probably die within a couple of days, of starvation."
Flash to scenes documenting his troubles. This can be a quick montage including:
-Running alongside a bus, reading a particularly lengthy advertisement posted on the side.
-Character is on couch in front of TV. Roommate wants to watch TV. Small confrontation, roommate produces a book and sneaks it into character's field of view. Character begins reading, mutters "dammit." Roommate takes remote.
-Scene at work. Character sitting at desk with two large piles of paper. After character finishes reading a sheet of paper, he flips it over to the other pile. Boss approaches, asks why memos haven't been passed out yet. Character replies, "It'll be a couple more hours. I'm passing them out as fast as I can."
-On a date with a girl in a restaurant. Waiter comes by, character is reading wine list.
Waiter: "Have you decided yet?"
Character: "I'll need a few more minutes."
Key scenes:
Intro voiceover where narrator talks, Memento-style, about his "condition," and the necessary steps he must take to keep himself from starting to read things. These include:
-Flashback shot of the guy throwing away all his books, after he first developed his condition.
-Flip-down shades with opaque lenses for when he's out in the world.
-"How severe is my condition? If I logged on to the Internet, I'd probably die within a couple of days, of starvation."
Flash to scenes documenting his troubles. This can be a quick montage including:
-Running alongside a bus, reading a particularly lengthy advertisement posted on the side.
-Character is on couch in front of TV. Roommate wants to watch TV. Small confrontation, roommate produces a book and sneaks it into character's field of view. Character begins reading, mutters "dammit." Roommate takes remote.
-Scene at work. Character sitting at desk with two large piles of paper. After character finishes reading a sheet of paper, he flips it over to the other pile. Boss approaches, asks why memos haven't been passed out yet. Character replies, "It'll be a couple more hours. I'm passing them out as fast as I can."
-On a date with a girl in a restaurant. Waiter comes by, character is reading wine list.
Waiter: "Have you decided yet?"
Character: "I'll need a few more minutes."
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Jeremy
A: Jeremy. Where is he?
B: Jeremy? Paris. He's...
A: In Paris? With his parents? Please, tell me: Is he wearing fleece?
B: He'd better be, and burning reams of kerosene. It's ten degrees. That Paris breeze makes a scary scene.--His parents leave for CDG from the Carribean at three fifteen. He's getting married, see.
A: Jeremy's as very keen on Cheryl Lee as he's ever been.
B: I don't care to see him marry a Lee. I wish he'd married me when we were thirty three. I don't think I can bear the grief.
A: Really? Jeremy would've married ye?
B: Verily. He'd stare at me no matter where I'd be.
A: I fail to see how that'd mean he'd marry ye.
B: Listen carefully and bear with me.
A: I can't. This is wearing me......out.
B: Jeremy? Paris. He's...
A: In Paris? With his parents? Please, tell me: Is he wearing fleece?
B: He'd better be, and burning reams of kerosene. It's ten degrees. That Paris breeze makes a scary scene.--His parents leave for CDG from the Carribean at three fifteen. He's getting married, see.
A: Jeremy's as very keen on Cheryl Lee as he's ever been.
B: I don't care to see him marry a Lee. I wish he'd married me when we were thirty three. I don't think I can bear the grief.
A: Really? Jeremy would've married ye?
B: Verily. He'd stare at me no matter where I'd be.
A: I fail to see how that'd mean he'd marry ye.
B: Listen carefully and bear with me.
A: I can't. This is wearing me......out.
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