The airport teems with hotties. It may be the only respectable location outside the baseball stadium where well-put-together ladies congregate for no apparent reason. Here are some tips for bagging that special someone fate put next to you on the plane:
-At the check-in desk, scan for hotties. If there is one nearby, listen to where she is going. If you are going to the same place, say in a bemused way, "Hey! We're going to the same place!" Do this even if you are not going to the same place. This should yield a smile if not some sort of boob-flash.
-At security, offer to help a hottie get her bags off the conveyor belt. Do NOT say "Hey baby let me get your bags off." Rather, reach for the handle of her suitcase just as she is going for it. Your hands will touch, she will give a start, then your eyes will meet. Movies show this kind of thing happening between high-school lab partners all the time. If it can work for John Cusack, it can work for you (words to live by).
-If your hottie is flying first-class, make sure to upgrade your ashy ass out of coach. Like Trina, this lady is "high maintenance." Do not be deterred, though. Use the $20 you were going to spend on Playboy and Wendy's to buy yourself a scotch and her a champagne.
-When they pass out the airline meals, offer to finish whatever your hottie doesn't eat. What better way to bond than over a shared dinner?
-Make sure everyone on the plane knows you are a big shot. If the person in front of you leans back their seat, kick it repeatedly and yell "What The Hell Are You Doing?! Your Seat Is Right In My Fucking Face!!!!" (true story). Ladies do not go for wimps; they go for alpha males. Get em, tiger.
-Tell plenty of scary stories about planes crashing. When you encounter turbulence, simply put your arm around her shaking shoulders and tell her "Everything is okay." Go for a feel. If she calls you on it, you can blame the "slip" on the turbulence. You gotta know if them jubs is real.
-If there is someone of Mid-Eastern origin on the flight, attack them with a wine key and accuse them of terrorism (Remember United 93?). Even though the assailee is definitely innocent of your accusations, no one will question your motives; these are patriotic times, you sly dog you.
-After the plane has touched down safely, say, "Well, looks like this is goodbye." Then "accidentally" run into your hottie at the baggage claim, offering to share a cab to her home. This always works.
Any of these techniques can work on its own, but in combinations, these moves are guaranteed sack-fillers. Booyah.
1 comment:
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